Hello ShyBoldGirl88. I am so sorry that you are going through so much stress and pain. It sounds like your boyfriend could be exhibiting signs of depression...the sleeping all day, severe apathy etc. Would he be open to meeting with his local MD or a psychologist? Depression is very common with extended unemployment. There is also some research indicating that this is particularly true for men because their job/profession tends to play a large role in their identity/sense of self...therefore the loss of that part can cause intense stress or even a sense of grief. Men often externalize when depressed (may appear angry rather than withdrawn) which could explain some of the shouting or irritability (another symptom of depression) though that would need to be assessed by a medical professional.

The current situation, as you have described, does sound untenable. If your bf is depressed he does need to take responsibility for his mental health and seek professional help. If you choose to remain in the relationship, you can listen and support but you cannot "fix" him if you know what I mean by that. Nobody can or should try to take on the full responsibility for another adult's mental health. In every healthy relationship, each person needs to consider and respect the you, the me, the we. That needs to come from both parties.

You said you think he threw something at you...without details I wasn't sure what you meant...did an object strike you or did you hear a thud or bump behind you? If that incident was ambiguous to you, I recommend calmly discussing it with your bf...ask him what happened because you did not see. Is it possible that he dropped something behind you? If he intentionally tossed an object at you, that is not okay under any circumstance. That would warrant a conversation with him about safety and boundaries and acceptable versus unacceptable behavior.

As a starting point, I recommend sitting with him and calmly talking things over from your point of view. Avoid judgmental or accusatory language (that tends to shut people down or escalate things). You could try something like: "I'm noticing __________ and I feel uncomfortable/sad when I see/hear ____________ etc. When you sleep a lot or have trouble getting things done, I am wondering if you might be depressed. How do you feel? Can you tell me what's happening from your point of view? When you say you always feel like the "bad guy" could you tell me what you mean by that? How do you think things are going? What do you want for the future? How can we get there?"

Professional therapists are great at helping couples talk through things. If that is something you or both of you would be open to.

As far as whether to immediately end the relationship or try some resolution, I cannot steer you one way or the other. I am not you and you are the person who will live through the consequences of whatever decision you choose. I think with more info and time, you are the best person to decide for yourself. Just so you know, PC members are not qualified to give expert or medical advice so we are only providing support and opinions here.

I suggest talking things over with your bf. See how he responds. If he's not willing to make any changes or seek help, then that's another important piece of info for you to think through. If his anger increases such that you feel unsafe (as I said, I wasn't clear on exactly what happened with the throwing incident) I recommend finding a safe place to live without him and consulting with a therapist for support and counseling.

This is clearly a very stressful and confusing situation for you. Take some time for yourself to think things over. Is there a trusted friend or relative (not your bf's) who you can have a chat with for some comfort and connection? Be gentle and patient with yourself. Peace and healing energy to you