The way I figure it is this: If I have that mindset, then being able to upset and distress others is a sign of power. If I can ruin your good mood and make you cry, then that means I'm stronger than you. It's the only power I've got, but wielding it feels so darn good, I've just GOT to.

May's father is a good example. He felt powerless at work, and he knew he couldn't get away with bullying his boss or coworkers, or he'd be out of a job. So he came home and bullied his kid instead. If he can show that there is somebody on this planet that he's stronger than, and can get the better of, then he's not the lowest and weakest after all.

I think a lot of these people, if asked why they do this, would say they're just being funny, and they can't help it if we can't take a joke. How many of us here know that song and dance?

Most of the undermining I have faced, cutting me down any time I did well and/or showed any sign of developing self-esteem, came in three forms.

1.) Nitpicking. Focusing on the negative. Whatever I did, it wasn't good *enough.* I once brought home a 99. Not on a test, but as the grade for the entire course. And I kid you not, I was ridiculed because it wasn't a 100. Oh, and my good grades didn't count anyway, because I studied for them. If I were all that smart, I could get straight A's without ever opening a book.

2.) Holding it against me later. Not allowing me to be imperfect. Let me make a mistake, or not be quick to understand something, and here's that good report card actually used against me as a weapon. "But I thought you were supposed to be so smart."

3.) Sarcasm. Do something well, do a chore without being told, use good manners, and I'd hear words and phrases like "for a change," or "finally," or "will wonders never cease," along with negative predictions about how this isn't going to last. For that matter, I often heard those negative predictions before I even attempted it. "Oh, sure. You're going to do what? That'll be a sight to see."

I'm sure this is all connected to the sabotage when I did try to make changes for the better. I've had people fight me every step of the way when it came to quitting smoking and drinking, and now it continues with my attempts to lose weight. I'm told that this isn't unusual. People I know who have also struggled with these things have assured me that they too have people shoving whatever substance they're trying to kick right in their faces. Five minutes after the last time they asked, it's "Are you sure you don't want any? You don't have to be a fanatic, you know. A little bit won't hurt you. Come on, it's a special occasion. Live a little."

They seem determined to want us to fail. Why? Because if we recover, then we're not the low person on the totem pole anymore, and that upsets and threatens their position.