I think I'm swinging back up YET AGAIN and I'm feeling like this music is a conduit to understanding the universe, I can';t really describe it.

I know how strange it sounds, and is this a bad sign? I am signing up for PHP soon. I need it. I'm cycling so fast. I'm mixed still I think. I don't get it. I'm starting to lose it again I think. I feel so energetic and euphoric. It's bad.

My pdoc isn't helping me with this. She just upped my AP and gave me CLonidine. I don't think it will help much. My Lithium is at 1050mg too. DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.

What can I do here? I don't want to go psychotic again. I know these connected feelings are sort of prodromal or whatever to it and it gets worse form here. I will crash soon, and probably come back up even higher. I NEED BETTER MEDS.

Sorry if I'm annoying you guys so muich. I;'m just in a really bad place right now and I need advice.