I'm so sorry you're struggling, OmegaKindness Have you thought about couple counselling? Since you seem to have doubts about your relationship right now, maybe that could help clarify some things. Or maybe you can try therapy by yourself if you don't want to involve your wife into this, since the problem seems to be mostly on your part. Would that be possible? Please try to think about this and your marriage seriously. I feel like it's really important. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this