I'm so sorry you're hurting, MatBell Genetics and chemical imbalance may play a part in your depression, but I don't think that means you're stuck with depression forever. Things can always get better. Please don't give up. Do you think this may be the depression talking? Making you believe that things will never improve. That's very common, but that doesn't mean that it's true. And yes, loneliness doesn't help either, and I'm sorry you don't have a support system IRL. I hope writing here can help a bit. I know it's not the same thing, but at least it's something. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm always available to talk to you, if you need to. Remember that we're here to support you. You can do this! You're very strong! Sending many hugs to you