Possibly trigger

I took my first drink. At 9:30 in the morning.It took me 5 tries to spell first. Shots of vodka. I've never been drunk. I'm probably buzzed. It feels wonderful. I feel warm. Finally, a good feeling. I can't handle what we been doing. I'm not supposed to feel. I don't belong at the table. I'm always watching from outside the window don't you see? I have my face pressed against the glass and am cold And hungry. Why can't I be inside? Why do I have to eat dog food? Because I'm not human. God hates me. Some people are created to have disabilities and awful disease. I'm created to be subhuman. When will you get it through your head. Took me a lot of tries to spell head. Thatsfunny. I might be on a bad lab here. Doing right has not brought me love or belonging. I'm still on the outside looking in. Always. I think I like this buzzed feeling. I don't feel any of the negatives. Just the warm