Hello Depressed Fiance. Interesting post. I don't think anyone actually knows how they would respond to a given scenario until/unless they're in it. It would depend on the situation, length of relationship, and several other factors...one issue or recurring trend etc. I think it's worth pointing out that when infidelity occurs in a long-term relationship, there were typically already serious problems within the relationship. Marriage therapists are very familiar with that pattern.

As for me, yes, I forgave someone for infidelity in the past. I also have a few friends (men and women) who were willing and able to forgive infidelity in order to move forward with their relationship...though of course it took a lot of work and rebuilding trust with therapy.

I think it's a major problem in society that people are expected to find a "perfect" partner and are essentially told that if infidelity ever occurs it is unforgivable. Humans make mistakes. Infidelity is sometimes one of those mistakes. I think humans would benefit from stepping back from reductive, all-or-nothing notions about love and relationships and opening up the dialogue to the grey areas and exploration of problems.

I don't think any credible relationship therapist would tell someone who'd experienced infidelity: "Well that's it, you need to dump him/her immediately." I also think there is some hypocrisy going on in modern relationships: "It's all her fault" or "it's all his fault." When there are two people in a relationship, there are two people making decisions (or not) and two people impacting the relationship in various ways either by action or inaction. To lay all of the blame for relationship breakdown at the door of one person (whether for infidelity or some other infraction) is unrealistic and untenable.

For example, sexless marriages are quite common for various reasons. So, if a partner then goes outside of the marriage to meet a sexual need, then society castigates that person as "bad" or "wrong." The spouse may even say things like: "You ruined our life together." But nobody addresses the fact that it's a big problem when one spouse in a monogamous marriage wants sex and the other withdraws from it entirely or may even refuse to discuss the problem. Is an affair an ideal way to deal with a sexless marriage? No. But I also don't think it's reasonable to say that the spouse who was craving sex or intimacy didn't love their partner or suddenly turned into a bad person. If you see what i mean. Important to look at both sides as well as the relationship as a whole unit.

It is so easy for us to point out the flaws of others...much harder to take a long hard look at our own issues. And yet, that's where real personal growth occurs in my opinion.