Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Would you consider consulting with a marriage and/or sex therapist? I think they could really help you. Some of what you are describing sounds like just natural thoughts and feelings associated with sexuality.

Something which struck me as important was:
I am new to commitment in general. Professionally, emotionally, and any other way conceivable. My life prior to this relationship was lived on a whim; discipline and self control were unheard of. When my wife first suggested a lifelong commitment, I was appalled, and taken quite by surprise. After some thought, I realized that somewhere deep down, I knew it was the right choice for me. Unfortunately, despite my conscious decision, I have 3 decades of mental conditioning of doing whatever I want to contend with my new circumstances.

It could be helpful for you to explore your general thoughts and feelings about sex and monogamy and marriage. There's quite a gulf between feeling appalled by the idea of marriage and feeling that "deep down" it was right for you...particularly if that turnaround occurred quickly for you (you didn't mention a timeline for deciding to marry). That could be useful to think through as well as recalling your role models for male-female relationships...were your parents married, divorced, impulsive, stable? etc

Again, I don't think this is something you should be working through with your wife. That sounds unhealthy and counterproductive to me. I think you need to take the responsibility on board for yourself and seek therapy to work it through.

You mentioned what I assume was boredom or restlessness or even stress when you first started feeling this way...working and then being on YouTube without other pursuits. Addressing the restlessness via new pursuits such as a hobby or regular physical exercise could help to take the edge off the sexual frustration and desire to be gratified by women other than your wife. Though if that's more of an esteem issue (such as not feeling attractive or of value without frequent attention from other women) then that would need to be addressed in a different way.

That said, you will always have sexual thoughts about other women...I don't know of any sexual person who wouldn't. Are you from a Purist upbringing? Strict religious ideals about sex etc?

Just some thoughts for you. Peace