ECHOES, I had had the impression that you suggested writing to your friend/mentor less frequently fairly recently (a few months ago?), but you wrote here that you had been working on this issue with your T for a year. Or was your telling your friend that just one step in a larger separation process? Why did you guys decide you wanted less contact? Are you now thinking that was not what you really wanted, but you can't go back?

If your T only does analyis, maybe you could do some other stuff on your own. The journaling sounds good. One time I was working on the loss of my relationship with a former therapist (from years ago when I was in college), and I was very sad about that and had never grieved it. My T suggested I write a letter to him (not to be sent) and tell him what I needed to say--how much I had missed him and how sad I had felt about the loss of our relationship. (Kind of like the Empty Chair in letter form). I did find this helpful. I remember my T said that I was unable to experience the grief with him in session because I was so joyful about being with him each week and that was blocking me from feeling this past grief (kind of a reverse transference--transferring my current feelings for my T onto this old T from my past). I did go home and write the letter, and it did help. Maybe you could do something similar.... Maybe you have.... I am sorry this is so painful.

Thanks for sharing your dream.