I'm so sorry, elevatedsoul I wish I had some advice to offer. Just know that I'm here to listen to you, if you want. I've read your posts and I care. Please don't give up. Things can get better, no matter how bad they seem right now. You can do this! You're strong, I'm sure of that. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if there's something I can do to help. Sending many hugs to you