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Do you wish you had your freedom? Do you secretly want to act on your attractions? It's really hard to advise without more info.
I am new to commitment in general. Professionally, emotionally, and any other way conceivable. My life prior to this relationship was lived on a whim; discipline and self control were unheard of. When my wife first suggested a lifelong commitment, I was appalled, and taken quite by surprise. After some thought, I realized that somewhere deep down, I knew it was the right choice for me. Unfortunately, despite my conscious decision, I have 3 decades of mental conditioning of doing whatever I want to contend with my new circumstances.
So in short: Part of me wants to act on these attractions. I have not and don't intend to. I have instead chosen to be committed and do truly want that, I would rather put those desires aside, because ( I thought) I had proven to myself that chasing and getting involved with other women is dissatisfying. But it seems that I still enjoy it, despite having made a choice that does not allow me to do it.While challenging, commitment leads to a different kind of pleasure and satisfaction that can't be attained with flings or short term episodes (in my experience). Hopefully that illustrates the problem more clearly. I want to be committed to my wife but I have these strong desires to be with other women that cause me to resent her. And this is causing ongoing friction between us
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Why was marriage suddenly the right choice for you? Wouldn't monogamy and commitment have come before a marriage anyways? It seems to me that you struggle with truly wanting to be monogamous, even though you see the benefits. You made a choice that "doesn't allow you to do it" sounds to me like you lost your feeling of freedom. Monogamy should be a deliberate, conscious and welcomed choice on one's life. So why did you get married? Did your wife push marriage? You say she brought it up. Perhaps the switch was too big of a change from your former life. You also say you almost had an emotional affair. Strong desires to be with other women: all of this smells of deep trouble to me and struggles ahead with the same issues. If you resent your wife for being in a committed relationship with her, and you have strong desires for other women, then perhaps you should not be married.