This must be a difficult & confusing memory, I would presume.  I hope you have found ways to resolve how you feel about it or that you will be able to do so. Perhaps coming here to PC can be of some help with that. 
Here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, on being a survivor of childhood abuse:
Child Abuse Survivors, Victims Need You to Talk About It
Recovering from Childhood Abuse: The Past Keeps Getting Clearer
Trauma Survivors Aren't Disgusting
I Am More Than the Sum of My Trauma
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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