I must not be able to communicate properly...I have no place to comfortably practice so practicing is even more miserable than it would normally be. I've always hated practicing. There is absolutely NOTHING fun about it most of the time. There is no creativity when I have to play music I didn't write/arrange or select. Playing with others is all about highlighting weaknesses and ignoring strengths...so when practicing, even if you like playing the song, you feel awful every time you're not 100% perfect because it just proves everyone else right.

I've been told I was going to fail when I was young...I wasn't always allowed to play on the instrument I wanted to because I wasn't good enough on that instrument. I was just used to fill out instrumentation sometimes. I've just always been an object, a failure, someone incapable of succeeding no matter how hard they try...I just can't communicate this I guess.

As for the jam sessions, if I just had a friend to go with me and encourage me/support me, then I'd probably be fine. I've gone to them in the past, although it was with my ex who was a professional full-time musician for a while, so I'll always pale in comparison to him.