Quote:
Originally Posted by marcosmith120
No relationship is perfect all the time. But in a healthy relationship, both people feel good about the relationship most of the time. A great relationship takes more than attraction — it takes work, and both of you have to be willing to put in the effort. Here are some tips for building a healthy relationship:
Love yourself. Being comfortable with who you are means you’ll be a happier partner.
Communicate. Talk to your partner about your feelings. Ask questions and listen to their answers. If you’re upset, say so — don’t make your partner try to figure out what’s up. Talking through problems builds trust and makes your relationship stronger. And it’s not all about how to deal with your problems — don’t forget to let them know when something they do makes you happy.
Be honest. Be truthful with each other about what you do, think, and feel. Honesty creates trust. Few things harm a relationship more than lies.
Give each other some space. Couple’s time is great, but spending ALL your time together isn’t. It’s healthy to have your own friends and interests outside of the relationship.
Agree to disagree. You’re not always going to see eye to eye, and that’s OK. The important thing is to respect each other’s opinions and ideas.
Forgive and ask for forgiveness. Everybody makes mistakes. Be willing to apologize for yours — and accept your partner’s apologies.
Support each other. When your partner does something great, tell them! Your partner should do the same for you.
Talk about sex…openly and honestly. Telling your partner what feels good and what you like and don’t like helps you have better sex. Never pressure your partner into doing something they don’t want to do, or let your partner pressure you — consent is a must.
Take care of your sexual health. Talk to your partner about how you’re going to protect each other against STDs and unintended pregnancy. Practice safer sex and get tested for STDs.
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Love myself? I hate myself and it is apparent to her but she doesn't seem to mind. She seems to take it as a challenge to help me "realize I am a good person and not ugly". Good luck to her.
We mostly talk about our feelings openly, there are exceptions for both of us. She doesn't like to talk about issues with her child's dad which there are many from what I can tell. I talk very openly about my feeling towards her and so many other topics. I do mask medical issues a tad.
I hide about 50% or so of my MH or seizure issues as they happen. She seems happy to help me, and has taken time out of work to chat when I wake completely freaked out but I don't want to show more and scare her. I have told her some really embarrassing things when I wake up like that. She takes it is stride and says couples should help each other. She knows I do it because she can tell in my writing or my face if I am doing poorly and I will just say I am okay. I have been alone for the better part of 2 decades so I am used to handling my crap alone.
As far as I can tell she is 100% honest, I have never caught her in a lie at least, and I pay attention to any possible contradictions. I pretty much am except some of my health issues.
I think too little space is what led her to her pulling back for a few weeks. Too much space is really hitting my paranoia and loneliness but I think it is for the best. Regardless of what happens, I need to learn to not cling so much.
We disagree quite often and usually just turn it into playful mockery, although I have to be careful. Sometimes I use too casual of English and she misinterprets. She will sometimes ask me if I like something just because she does but I am not like that. I have told her plenty of times that things she likes sucks.
We are very open about sex. I am more open with her than I was with my wife at the time. She will show and tell me what she likes and doesn't like(well she doesn't seem to dislike anything sexual) and she knows what I like. She will probe if I like to have something done or do something. If I have not had it done I say so, and she explains in great detail what she will do if I am interested. I do the same as well. This is one area that has really been helpful, it raises the comfort level and at least I feel closer. When we finally meet, it will not be awkward at all, I think. It does make me less shy, I didn't think I could ever talk about this stuff before I met her. She tells me I am "cautious and reasonable" and she is very aggressive. Makes me wonder how we click so well.
This last one is tricky, I think because of cultural issues. She isn't worried about me and STD's since it has been 17 years and she has only had 1 partner in the past 8 years but she thinks he may have cheated. I brought up getting tested, she wasn't mad but didn't see the need. She also hates condoms which is a big issue if she won't get tested, she is also 36 so pregnancy is an issue. The pregnancy risk is something I never thought I had to worry about because of my age and noticeable lack of game. I can go to the VA and get a vasectomy so half of the problem will be solved.
This is a wonderful list. Thank you for it, it gives me much to think about going forward.
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PDD with Psychotic Features, GAD, Cluster C personality traits - No meds, except a weekly ketamine infusion