Hi, I'm new here and I stumbled on this site looking for information on ODD because my 4 year old son is out of control...but I'm consistent in punishment and rewards, but his behavior doesnt change. I looked at the symptom list and he most certainly has EVERY symptom on the list...but it says "compared to other kids of the same age" ...well, I dont have much experience with 4 year olds as this child is my oldest, but I do teach his sunday school class and have friends with kids around his age, and my son does seem worse behavior-wise than the children I have dealt with. Granted children are often different in front of other people than they are at home, so I dont know if my exposure to these other kids is enough to make that judgement because they are probably acting differently than normal around me.

I just feel like a failure where my child is concerned and I dont even know how to go about getting him screened and treated inexpensively for this disorder. We are a $30,000/year income home and I'm a full time college student with 2 kids. We dont have the money for therapy sessions nor the time to be able to focus on changing how we deal with him...we've been handling him the same way for 2 years now, so its become routine and to be able to focus on handling him another way seems utterly impossible with my school schedule and with my husband's work schedule. And, I cant afford to quit school because of interest build up on loans. I need to graduate and get to work so I can start paying that off. So, I'm not saying I'm putting my school/career first before my child...I'm just saying I cant sacrafice one for the other because to do so could be financially devestating for us.

Would I be a bad parent if I purchased the Total Transformation therapy kit (I guess its books or videos?) that I've seen advertised on the internet and talked to my mom, who stays home all day with nothing to do, about him moving in with her and have her work with him? I'd be willing to take the money I wouldnt have to pay for him for childcare, the money we spend on food/clothing/pullups (for night) and give it to my mom as a sort of child support...and of course I'd visit him often. But, would it be like I was giving up? I mean, a huge reason for wanting to do this is my school/career, but another huge reason is that my husband and I are both at our wits end. He's been high strung and defiant since about 12 months old and as he has gotten older and the normal toddler stage has been grown out of, these symptoms have become much clearer...but its been 3 years of dealing with him and feeling like a failure the whole time. I honestly could use the distance from him and my husband agrees.

I dont want my child to think I'm giving up on him or that I dont love him so I gave him away...but something has to give. Thoughts?