My last manic episode got really out of control. I now have an official diagnosis as well, Bipolar 1. Im sure thats not surprising to any of you who read my last posts here. I went off my meds and started off with productive hypomania then euphoria then some weird happy dark state which led to a lot of alcohol and days and nights in the drunk tank because of suicidal threats. A week after things turned bad I found out how close I was to losing my kids. I went in and got a new prescription but it was far too late.

Two days later my switch flipped(dont know how else to explain what happens to me its a fast, cold compulsion) and that night I attempted and was flown by an air ambulance jet to a city for treatment after my body started fighting it and I realized I wasnt going to die from it and didnt want to ruin my organs completely and have to live like that. I was very angry that it didnt work but that wears off after a couple of days and fades back into a more passive thought pattern.

I spent a month in hospital(three of those in the psych ward) and somehow was lucky enough to get an awesome new pdoc! She is hopeful(unlike other pdocs I have seen) and caring and even though I was beyond pessimistic about life until I was almost ready to go home she never stopped disagreeing lol. She is certainly more aggressively treating this and felt that the last couple years I had been rapid cycling without proper treatment. She is over 5hrs away but its worth it to have someone I truly trust.

Im happy to be home but a little scared now that Im back to having my mind working properly. The damage I can do is scary. Scary enough to make me swallow the pills and avoid the alcohol as hard as those things are. Hopefully my new pdoc is right and life really can be good and stable.