Thank you so much for your post. I relate to a lot of what you said. I also have struggled with addictions prior to my formal BP1 diagnosis. I think it took them so long to diagnose me correctly because I would ******** about my symptoms and behaviors and just talk about my anxiety; mainly because I was ashamed of it and also because I wanted big benzo scripts. I quit alcohol pretty early and was stable for a while but then got hooked on oxy; got off that with suboxone and then got off that. Four or five years later I had a complete psychotic/manic episode and then I was finally diagnosed. I used marijuana for about four years after that and that just made my symptoms worse in the long run. I say all this to say that I can’t agree enough that routine is everything. I am religious about my sleep. I take my meds every single day without question. I have a psychiatrist and a therapist. I run and do yoga. And about a year ago I started meditating every day. That was probably the best life choice I’ve ever made. As a direct result of that I was able to stop smoking weed and am now clean and sober. Twelve step is great but not for me, so I go to Refuge Recovery which is a recovery program based on Buddhist principles. Its given me not only sobriety but friends; I’m not so isolated anymore. I highly suggest checking out the book and a meeting if they have one in your area. Congratulations on your program and thanks for your post, keep up the good work and stay positive 😊🙏