I never even know when I am hypo. Usually, by the time I am manic, my mom will say I thought you were talking more/much faster and my husband will say, like this past episode that I had been acting strangely. When I am hypo, I obviously do talk faster/more because my mind races and I don’t usually catch my racing mind until it is out of control. I will spend more, drive wrecklessly, and am usually a much more fun and laid back parent. I often get too caught up in religion.

My mania scares me also. If I’ve become religious, it becomes over the top and my delusions will center around that. I also ALWAYS obsess over music, sometimes lots of beautiful music, sometimes only one song. I have many times become dangerously obsessed with people. Before I met my husband I was very permiscuious. Now I masturbate (tmi I know) because I’m embarrassed about my sex drive. I use to spend us into lots of debt (now my husband takes my cards) and take very, very long joy rides (now my husband takes my keys). I use to take irrationally long showers numerous times a day (now my husband limits that too). I often hear voices; sometimes random people talking but sometimes even the voice of God, once even calling me by name. I have spoken in tongues even though I don’t believe in that. I have many accounts of my my positive mania recorded because I always believe my experiences are profound. Then, the paranoia starts. The over the top rage starts. The derealization starts. The delusions become insane and control my mind and actions and it is bad.

I’m not sure about mixed. I’m not sure how many times I’ve been in this state but I would imagine it as those times I have been high but felt I needed to claw into my skin.

Mild depression...little impact except laziness and indifference and loss of interest.

If I’m majorly depressed, I often cry all day and never move from one spot. I stop showering and brushing my teeth. I lose interest in my family and life in general. I overeat. I stop up keeping my house (which is normally fairly tidy). I lose my sex drive altogether. I have the worst thoughts and the worst self image. I never want to go anywhere or do anything. I become incredibly self focused until eventually I become suicidal.