I initially interpreted the title question like innerzone did. To answer that, I'll admit that I have had the tendency (ability?) to put episodes behind me. Generally in my life the less severe episodes fade from my memory quite easily. The worst ones? Well, I don't forget, but I try not to dwell on them. I forgive myself easily, and at the same time don't hold grudges.

The very worst of my episodes, usually mixed episodes, have caused me a degree of trauma. I have been able to stuff the pain in some ways, but in others they've left scaring, especially what likely happened during psychotic mixed manic blackouts. I can convince myself that I'm well sometimes, even when I'm not. To this day, my mood tracking is often inaccurate. Sometimes I look back and have to change my selections. Yes, insight issues still persist, but to a lesser degree.

I feel that describing my full blown manias, hypomanias, depressions, and mixed episodes is impossible to do in a few paragraphs. All I'll say is that there is a gift and disadvantage of knowing pure elation and a hell in knowing mixed episodes. My pure depressions are less pain and more numb paralysis. It took me a very long time to even accept my hypomanias as being illness. I had zero insight into hypomanias. To this day, I still wrestle with how much of my mild to moderate "up" times were hypomanias and how much "just me", or hyperthymia. I have tended to be hyperthymic more than any other state in my life. That doesn't mean it was all euphoric, though. I could/can be a very irritable, agitated type at times, though I don't believe that's my core self. I'm much more positive and upbeat, on the whole. But when does assertiveness or adventurousness become impulsivity? Extreme humor, elation? Confidence and pride, grandiosity?

My medications have slowed me down in recent years, and have therefore affected my productivity. But it's not necessarily all bad way, though. There were a handful of years when I felt I lost a part of myself, but I found me again when a cloud cleared. A little new, but a lot the same. Being slowed down a bit allows me to breathe normally. Otherwise, it can seem like I'm holding my breath and thoughts don't fully register because they bombard me. When I'm hypomanic/manic, I see some things intensely at the expense of others.