Since discovering more depth about my diagnosis it was confirmed that the bipolar I have is seriously treatment resistant, and worsening. I have BP1 rapid-cycling(almost always but often mild), psychotic features(only occasionally) and regular severe mixed features.

They are all labels but the reality of my illness is exhausting, terrifying, life threatening, exhilarating, damaging, fun, disabiling, and frightening for my loved ones. It has only be escalating for the last ten years despite trying pretty much everything in various combinations, including ECT and rTMS.

Right now I have been mostly ok for two months (just minor rapid cycling and paranoia), and that is a long stretch for me. Maybe the ECT did help? Or the Lamictal increase? God I hope so. It is so hard to tell if treatments work or it is a natural temporary remission. I tend to get about three very severe mixed episodes a year, and each one nearly kills me so I end up IP.

I am fed up with this. Does anyone else have a similar situation and found ways to turn things around or even slow them down? I'm scared. At best I will lose my ability to work, or even study due to my inability to be reliable and live below the poverty line for the remainder of my life. At worst ... well you all know.

Anyone? Any ideas would be welcome.