So I work in a female-dominated industry, which matters because--and you can call me sexist, but I've lived it for the 17 years I've been in the industry--gossip and drama is more rampant in this environment than any other job I've ever worked. While I've not exactly gotten used to it--I'll never really learn to let mean things people say just roll off--I've learned to separate myself from the culture. I used to want so badly to be part of the "group," and hurt really badly if I wasn't accepted, now I am able to see it as work. While my job is a part of my identity--I'm a nurse, I'm really good at it, and I find pride in this fact--my coworkers aren't a part of that identity anymore.

The thing is that I graduated from nursing school in my late thirties, which is around the time many staff nurses leave the bedside to go into administration, education, research, or advanced practice. As a result of that, and the fact that my specialty is demanding and not one that people tend to want to stay in until retirement, I'm one of the oldest nurses on my unit. There are only two or three nurses who are older than I am, and they have far less experience. In fact, I have the most experience on my unit. This doesn't matter except that, unless the s--t is hitting the fan and I'm being used as a resource, some of my coworkers treat me like I'm a totally out-of-touch idiot. Like I said, I try to stay out of stuff. I try not to get into talking crap about people, I don't want to listen to drama, I just go to work to work and go home. I have RBF so I think people think I'm crabby when I'm not, but that's not really something I can control as it's my regular face. I complain sometimes, but we all do. I don't think I'm a particular negative cloud or anything, and I get along with my shift work-wise. I'm sure anyone who has been around PC for a minute knows I can be a bit abrasive, but I am aware of myself and go out of my way to be accommodating at work and I really do try to keep my mouth shut unless I really need to stick up for myself.

There is this coworker, I'll call her Lanna (not her name), who is particularly horrible. I've never had a run-in with her. I say good morning. I compliment her head band (we all wear them). I smile. She is just. so. unpleasant to me, to the point that she rolls her eyes during our report if my report isn't "good" enough. And I'm the kind of person who, having had an extremely critical mother, is totally undone by that stuff. I'm pretty tough, but that is my kryptonite. Well, cut to this morning. I'd had one of the worst nights of my career--it's like the full moon was in full effect. The patient I was giving to her, I'd called a rapid response code on (just short of a code blue) and that wasn't the worst of the night. So I'm giving her report, and she gets hung up on the fact that I don't know the details of a test that was done a week ago. Something that has really no bearing on now, not to mention she can look it up later if she really wants to be that picky. I finally broke. I slapped my palm on the table and said, "Look Lanna. I know that when I give report to you, I can't seem to do a thing that's correct. However, would you like to hear about the rapid response code I ran on this patient last night anyway?" She shut right up, took the rest of report (rolling eyes several times), and when I said, "Now, DO YOU HAVE ANY FURTHER QUESTIONS?" Said "No" with so much saccharine I'm surprised I don't have diabetes.

I am just really freaking down tonight. I feel like it doesn't matter how I act. If I'm a total, out-and-proud B (not that I can be, because even if I'm snarky I feel badly about it for days), people don't like me. If I am quiet, stay to myself, keep my head down and do my work but attempt to be pleasant to people when I interact with them, they STILL don't like me. WHAT gives? How do I react to people like Lanna who seem to just want to be as mean as possible? Should I just say eff it and be a B and let the chips fall where they may? (I'm not totally serious but...really.)

(As a side note, I have taken issue with many a day shift nurse's report. But I recognize that they just worked a 12 hour shift and, unless it is a question of safety, I don't grouse at them. I look that s--t up because I know that they've just worked their arses off. I was so proud of my work last night--and then she came along.)