LT
When I get into someone (and I don't mean romantically) it is like their opinion of me means more than anyone. 'If they approve of me then everything is happy and if they don't I try desperately to get them to. It is a hard place to be and worth exploring. I did this with Ex T 1 and now new T and I (I say new it's been 2 years lol ) are getting into the why of it all. I think it is to do with parental transference.

One thing that also strikes me is how quickly you move to emailing T, at least it sounds like it. I am not being critical here, impulsively " checking" someone is on my side or checking my feelings is something I have worked on. My last issue with T for example, I didn't see her for nearly 2 weeks and by that time my feelings had settled and changed. Not everything has to be expressed immediately. Ex T 2 used to say feelings pass like the weather, so sometimes I write it down or ride it out until I can express myself clearly. Certainly I think current T understood my point a lot better when I could express it without being so over the top with emotions.

This all comes from a supportive place and no judgement because I feel like you and I are alike.