it feels like the world is falling in on me again. the old panic attacks and depression and anxiety all coming back again. to give you the fast version of what is wrong is this... last year i had a string of bad luck but the big items was i stopped being able to actually walk for no reason, girlfriend cheats on me, girlfriend treats me like %#@&#! so i would leave her alone though i wasnt trying to get back together anymore. i'm in the bed month after month trying to get over her and trying to walk again. finally i go to see a doctor and they never do find the problem but they tell me i have kidney failure. i'm trying to get along without her but on my birthday my now ex girlfriend calls me, i dont answer, christmas she calls, i dont answer but on new years i return her call and she and i share each others bad news. in jan we get back together and life is great yet again until she tells me that she is moving to another town to start a new life and i'm not part of it. she starts the complaining again about how i'm not what she needs in her life, all she wants is for everyone to leave her alone but really the everyone is just me. anything i do for her is a letdown to her. so after trying to get along without her, she returned to my life and i was happy again but then its coming to a end again and i'm having to go through all the pain all over again of losing her, of having to hear that she wants me to leave her alone and out of her life even though i'm like 1% of her life and she is 99% of mine. because of what i know about her childhood and her up bringing and the bad stuff in her life, theres a part of me that feels like she needs help and ive let her strike out at me without hating her and i went away as she wanted so she could "fix" her life but it never got better and so she came back and we started again but the anger towards me is back again and now she wants to end it again. after she goes, i'm alone. i have no friends just family. i need a female to love, i need a friend that no matter what, doesnt lookdown at me or because i dont have this or i cant do that feels that they cant be friends with me. i have panic attacks and depression because i really love this girl and to know she wants me to leave her alone and leave my life. i feel like i'm going crazy not just because of her but just the health issues, the walking thing (which i am walking again but not normal just yet) the fact that life sucks, look around and see that this is it, your only friend/girlfriend wants nothing to do with you, and you read in the news today that a 800 pound man who was lifted out of his house by forklift so he could go on a picnic with his GIRLFRIEND and you wonder wtf is wrong with me. i'm ready to explode out of confusion out of wanting love. as pink floyds lyrics sums it up about how i feel for her "leave but dont leave me".