there is no reason for your angst, is there? please don't fear what can not be in our power to change. please try to embrace your love for your fellow friend and be there when she needs you. she will remember your courage and your bravery and she will always reflect what is in your heart, until her last days, even then she will live on within you. don't fear to speak up for her when she needs you. don't fear to speak up for yourself. your courage and bravery will shine. I am sorry for you loosing your friend