Quote:
Originally Posted by seeker33
BUt what bothers me more is that I should be able to chat with real people I meet daily. Mainly my students before we begin and after the lesson ends. Since I don't have a car, last year a lady drove me to her place by her car so I could teach her preschooler. Those 15 minutes in the car were hell for me. I wanted so badly to talk normally with her but I just felt so awkward. I did talk however it was very difficult and usually I felt like an idiot.
I'm not anxious or shy, I simply have no idea what to say. Sometimes I'm trying so hard to think what I should say next that I don't listen properly to them and then I say something totally off topic which is embarrassing.
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Hmm. I think this might be a different issue (sorry I didn't read all the way through before my last reply).
This just sounds like a fairly normal introvert thing to me. I'm an introvert, and also hate small talk. I've gotten better at it by practicing on people at the grocery store (people who work there, not other customers - for example, I might ask the cashier how their day is going, or compliment their scarf.) But I *still* sometimes feel that sense of awkwardness when I'm with someone and don't know what to say.
Two things that might help:
1. If the person is an extrovert, you won't likely be in this situation, they'll be chatting enough to keep the conversation going. If they're an introvert, they probably feel just as awkward as you do
2. What's the point of small talk? I think that having an answer to this that satisfies you helps it not feel so meaningless. For me, it's a little about connecting (albeit in a superficial way) and a little more about how you start a relationship. Most people won't dive in to a deep conversation with someone that they don't know - it feels risky. You might end up rejected, made fun of, or you might just have drastically different world views in a way that leads to conflict. Small talk is a way to gentle start to understand each other and how you react. It's a way to get to know them and to know whether they'd be a good person to talk to more (for me).
For me, that makes it feel a little less meaningless. It's still not my favorite thing, but at least I have a way to make it make sense.