i think a lot of people get hung up on " was I abused" "Is this abuse"? I say yes. She abused you for your whole life emotionally and the physical abuse was like..the climax of a really scary book- it took her abuse to the next level. Even if she had never laid hands on your I would call your situation abuse. Our parents mold who we are. When they are abusive in any way, emotionally or physically we begin an unhealthy relationship with them. As painful as the abuse is, we still internalize it and blame ourselves. Then when the abuse is physical we start looking for what we did to turn it that way. We did nothing- it turned that way because our abuser got tired of the emotional torment-or felt like it wasnt having the effect that was desired-and took it to the next level. It is not your fault and you didnt deserve it. It was not ok and it was poor parenting.