Yes, the funny thing is that I think I routinely tolerate lots of difficult emotions without “imploding” but this particular instance is just so tough. The anxiety between session can get to be like nothing I’m familiar with and I feel like it shouldn’t bother me as much as it does.

My therapist said that he thinks I need “someone to push up against” which is strange because I think of myself as a fully functioning adult. As a kid, though, I was exceptionally well-behaved and good and had minimal needs, so maybe this is what’s showing up in therapy. Although of course I’d like him to reply to my emails, I feel strangely comforted by his saying no, explaining it kindly, and still being there. I guess it makes me feel “held” in a way.