My 20 year old daughter is frustrated by our house rules and has told us she is moving into her boyfriend's parent's home, and getting her own phone (we currently pay for everything) because she is done with everything. We pay for her brother to go to college and his rental house at college, along with his food. We told her if she didn't want to go to a school of some kind, then she had to be working work full time. She's struggled with several jobs in the last 6 months and is currently looking for one at this time.
Here is my problem, she is "moving out", in a fit of anger, and it's making me angry because we do so much for her, and she obviously doesn't appreciate any of it, and I don't know how to curb these feelings. We would do anything in the world to set here up for success, help find an apt., help furnish it, etc. and I guess I'm feeling angry that it means nothing to her. I mean, how do I act now? Do I go with my anger and say fine, it's our bedroom furniture, we paid for the car, the phone, etc, so you figure it out (which is what my anger is saying), or here, take what you need, we want you to be set up to start your adult life on your own, how can we help (which is what we would have done had she decided to move out on good terms, not in a fit of anger).

We want to set both of our kids up for success and we can financially help them get on their feet. We pay for all of her brother's living expenses, food, car insurance, phone while he is in school. We4 don't want to be unfair to her just because she isn't in school. I don't know, I'm truly struggling with my emotions over it all.