It think there's too much pressure to not be that parent who has been unfair or chosen favorites or played favoritism. But here's the thing, I think that it's fine to be mindful of those things while they are younger and developing. Here's both of your kids now, same parents, same rules growing up etc. Except now in comes their own personalities and life choices. Your son sounds like he's following his goals and I'd imagine showing some semblance of gratitude while your daughter sounds like she's spitting in your face to spite herself. Maybe set aside money into a trust fund for a future time that perhaps when the time is right and she's sorted herself and is taking a more personally responsible path for herself you can help with a future down payment on a home or even a trust for a future grandchilds college funds. She has gone through how many jobs? Why toss good money on bad at this point?

It's not your fault.