KV - if your wife loves you anywhere close to how much I love my boyfriend, then she would WANT to know. I don't think I told you this before, but I was married for 6 years (divorced 4) and my ex-husband thought he had similar feelings to yours, although you seem to be more convinced about it (or since this is an anonymous board, at least you are more comfortable talking about it). When he told me, I felt truly honored that he would share that with me. It wasn't, by the way, the reason for our divorce - he had developed a relationship to and then married another woman - and there is no way I would have ever held it against him or asked him to suppress his feelings.
Because you are so nice, I suspect you have a really nice wife as well. You already seem really close and I would think that you sharing this information about yourself would only bring you even closer together.
Best of luck - have you heard from your son yet?
LA