I have no idea whats wrong with me, I cant get motivated to get a job. I just got fired, and I'm running out of money and the good nature of my room mate. I know this. Also this has been a pattern persisting thru my entire twenties, and apparently is going to follow me into my thirties. I don't know if its a neurological event, in which case I need medication (I already take Prozac, vyvanse, buspar, gabapentin and low dose buprenorphine) okay, so a change in meds- or if its psychological? is it the fear of being homeless, the trauma of having lost my job, then lost everything, so I just shut down? pretty much tell myself 'okay, youre #$%$#%ed you're super @#$@ed so grab on to something and hold on!!' while I wait for rock bottom to hit...again (btw, you'd think rock bottom was a place you only hit once, or that its subjective and moves around....its not).
I have debts, not as bad as some peoples, but the kind of jobs I can get are pretty lousy, I don't have a college degree, but I do have college debt, and I'm not sure if I can take out any more loans to go back to school. but without school I basically have to go back to a dead end job, which it will be a struggle to get even one of those, because my resume is full of long periods of no work. gah, why? I feel like other people don't get overwhelmed so easily, like they are somehow the masters of their universe. I know I have PTSD but how long will I be so easily rattled into inaction and inert desperation? I mean, the modest little support network I've managed to cobble together has already seen me through one or more disasters. I feel like everyone I know is looking at me and saying to themselves "I thought we already dealt with this? do you not remember when _____ ?" fill in the blank, when I last was unemployed and looking at a really really bad situation barreling towards me while I blink