So, I was put on sick leave from January 2nd to February 29th. On Feb 29 I felt like I was able to pull through. Last week I still thought I could pull through.

But today I realised how weak I actually am.. How I try to move out but will probably end up going back to my rents' house. I used to think I would be better off if I had sick leave and could stay at my apartment and not have to handle my drunken dad, but now I think even that is better than this.

I feel like crap for some reason. Or maybe I'm just not paying the little one enough attention.

I hate my school. I hate that I have to interact with other people, I would much rather take courses in open university in business administration and sell my arts in the meantime. I plan to move to Sweden this fall so I've got to do at least something before that.

It just feels so hard to try and pull through... Each minute of school is just waiting for each class to be over. And the last ones are the toughest. Sometimes I don't even think I understand what the teacher is saying. It's hard for me to complete homework.

I just can't handle it. It is heartbreaking.. I wish every day that I didn't feel like this. I'm going to disappoint my parents again if I go on sick leave.. I'm going to have to see what my T thinks.

And I wonder if I can ever even go to Sweden because I can't even handle this?

I know I'm not crazy. But if I was crazy I'd have an excuse.

Oh, what to do, what to do. Life seems like an open road but I'm afraid of it. So very afraid..

Sorry I complain so much.. I just had to get this off my chest.

Thanks for listening.

Katie & Friends