I've never met you, but I care. While we all have different degrees of suffering, I think most people here can relate to you. Posting here can be beneficial.

Idea#1 Get a support group. You can't do this alone. Family, Friends, Community Groups - even AA. You also mention the man in your life. Open up to someone close to you and express to them that you'd like to get better. Believe me, you absolutely can get better. Sometimes it takes some switching of meds, but eventually you can get it right.

Idea#2 Once you start feeling a little better, set small goals for yourself...such as study for GED...then take GED...

You can volunteer for a time instead of work. That will do positive work on your self esteem.

These are just my thoughts. I do sincerely hope you find a path that works for you.