Wow. Was up and ready to drink. Suddenly I’ve crashed. Like BAD. I feel dangerously violent. If my ex-husband wasn’t with me I would’ve been in trouble. Now I’m terrified. It’s happening again. There is no hope left with medical treatment. It’s a long weekend anyway so not able to contact pdoc/T. I just realised I never recovered since the horror mixed episode I had Sep/Oct. I was hospitalised for a month and had ECT. My mind is out of control. I have to heal myself. I’m scared. I will lose everything if I can’t stop this downward spiral. Including my mind.