Thank you MickeyCheeny, very kind of you!
I really appreciate how kind and caring everyone posting here is.

I do have a support system. Well, i generally have a huge network and lots of friends, but I don't want everyone to know. I know this might not be the ideal way - maybe I should be more open..but for now, this is how I deal with it.
I do have incredible parents who help me through this. It makes me sad how I have to burden them with this and just thinking how loving and good they are to me makes me cry some more.
I also have one good friend who knows what's going on and she is also there for me - but lives in another country.

Right now, I wish someone would give me a massage and just hold me and tell me that I am ok and will be ok. (I tried to call some shiatsu places, but too short notice today..).

As for distractions: I know that's what you're supposed to do. But the thing is: if I knew what feels good and what I feel like doing, i would be doing it and wouldn't struggle with depression.

If a walk or watching a movie would make me feel good, I don't think I would consider myself depressed.

It makes me feel even more hopeless when I read all these strategies and people say what helps them (going for a walk, shopping, watching a comedy, sitting in a cafe.. etc) and I feel like "nope, not what I want to do right now".
Because then I feel like I am way worse off than "everyone."
I know this is silly, but yeah...it puts pressure on me if I have to constantly distract myself.

I go to work, and there were days where I could work a lot and stay long and it was ok. And then there are days where I can barely stand it and just need to go home to rest (and cry).

Like I said, maybe the many tears during the last week are a sign that more and more tension is released. Maybe it is part of healing.
I hope so!!

Again, thank you so much for reading this and replying!