I feel so crappy right now. I feel like I cant cope with one more diagnosis. Even though I know it has always been there. I feel like Im coming unhinged. The chatter is bad and Im telling it to shut up then I feel bad that I should nuture it. I have had some fleeting SI thoughts that I should just do it because somehow someone might find my trauma out now and I need to keep the chatter from telling. Whatever trauma that may be remembered. I finally get to talk to my daughter though. I dont want to ruin that but I feel myself spiraling. The whole reason I cant talk with my daughter is because I am hospitalized alot. My ex doesnt want to put my daughter through that. That is messed up. Maybe I can SH and that will be enough to help but it will have to be something major to help but not land me in the hospital.