I'm so sorry you're struggling so badly, qwerty68 Just know that you're not horrible nor hideous. There are many wonderful people in this world that are unfortunately very lonely and have done nothing to deserve it - including some people here on PC. And I'm sure you're one of them. I'm so sorry you're feeling lonely, but please know that it's not your fault. I'm so sorry therapy or meds aren't working out for you. Please don't give up. I know things seem pretty bad right now, but they can get better. If it can help a bit... I'm here for you. I'll listen to what you have to say. I care about you. We're here to listen to you, if you want to talk. I know it's not the same thing as having a support system IRL, but at least it's something. We won't give up on you. Please consider calling an hotline if it make you feel better, even for a little while. You can d this! You're strong, I know that. Keep writing here if it helps. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm always available if you need to talk. Sending many hugs to you