Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006
all the more reason to cut them off. surely bending to their manipulations is only serving to encourage further manipulation. Being controlled is not something one should ever make a choice to be.
The longer you bend to their will and do what they want because of fear, the harder will become to leave.
here's the thing. walking away can only be a win win situation. First off, you'll give yourself the chance to break free from the manipulative dysfunction of your family. Second it will either - free you completely of their tyranny and/or will make them realize that you no longer will be manipulated and will change their ways but in the worst case, they remain steadfast in their behaviors, you still will be free of it by leaving.
It matters very little what people did for you in the past, if this is used against you in order to make you do what they want you to do it nullifies the acts themselves. If someone does something and makes it a selfish act in order to hold it over your head later, is that act even anything that is generous or caring in the first place? Therefore those things no longer hold power over you when you realize this. It is not an even and balanced relationship any longer it's one of obligation and tallies of actions. Idk about you but that's not how I handle or view a true friendship.
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Thats why it sucks... it’s family... (which i know really doesnt mean anything but it’s easier to use against someone).... idk i cant really explain it, like my mother was verbally, emotionally and a few times physically abusive... yet when it came down to it she used her past as an excuse.. blamed everyone but herself for the way she acted.. shed call the police and say I was the issue.... but as an adult she wants to be my best friend.. she guilts me by saying “ youre my only family” “i did so much for you when no one else did”.... etc etc.... and i could cut them all off but at the same time it’s like.... what am I supposed to do? Be bad mouthed all over town ? I shouldn’t have to pack up and move across state lines to get a little peace..... my grandparents are worse... theyre the judgemental part of the family, my mom is the controlling one..... and then theres me... just trying to exist but yet its like no matter what they talk to me as if I’m 5... i dont get the “ im proud of your accomplishments” or “ im happy that you’re happy”... i get the “ how come you dont___?”.... “ why arent you___?”...... “ i told you you should have____.”........ and all i can think is, im the only one in the family who didnt screw up life.... and they reply with “ YOURE NOT AS PERFECT AS YOU THINK YOU ARE”..... like i never said i was perfect... id just appreciate my family being respectful of my life, opinions, and understanding that they have affected me in such away that I want little contact... almost like when a teen goes away to school, they may feel closer to their family when theyre home for the holidays... like I feel like if i HAVE to be a part pf the madness.. itll be easier with limited contact.. but of course theyre offended by that too...