Wisewoman,

If your daughter was 20 years older I’d swear that we were related by marriage! My cousin married a woman right after high school. They’d met on a class trip in Florida, wrote letters through the rest of the school year and when they both graduated, she moved in lock stock and barrel.

She had two children with him, and felt that was enough to keep him in line, that and suicide threats. The last straw for him was when she wanted a third child in 4 years and he said two was all he could afford and was not having anymore. She slit her wrists. Once hospitalized her doctor informed my cousin that he was not helping her, but enabling her. He filed for a divorce and custody of the kids that day.

At the time, she seemed odd, but not the person she turned out to be. She and her brother (no blood relation) had been adopted at a young age by a very good family. Even though the parents were well off, they didn’t go to school, they weren’t being supported. Cousin’s wife did not think that this was fair, her adoptive parents were well off and she didn’t think that she should have to work or go to school. She tried to play both sides against the middle finding her bio parents; she wanted her adoptive parents to buy back her “affections.” She was a master manipulator. Her adopted brother went to college and became an engineer and is a perfectly nice gentleman.

In answer to your question, it depends entirely on the person in question I think. Your daughter has a lot of growing to do, but in the mean time you’re not a door mat, you are absolutely correct you don’t deserve to be verbally abused by anyone!!!

Hopefully your daughter will mature and come full circle. In the mean time, let her know that you love her and she’s welcome in your home as long as she respects your rules. You have an absolute right to be respected, you’re not a whipping post!