So i had a long talk. Very long talk. With the bf.

He doesnt think our relationship is “doomed”. But he says im acting like it is. I just said i want it to be the best it can possibly be. Thats all.

I told him what i hoped for and wanted out of him. I said im not leaving myself out and if he hopes for anything out of me. He said no.

I just said i dont want us to be living together but apart pretty much everyday. Like not when he works but like on his days off and after work. Like i want us to find a common thread of something we can enjoy together. I suppose ill be taking up video games a bit more. I showed him my pokemon game. He said he was turned on in the beginning cuz i said i played xbox and he thought he was gonna play CALL OF DUTY with ME, but i like stardew valley and weird farming games and pokemon.

Oh well.

But yea.

We just talked a lot. At least he knows how i feel now. Which is important to me.

As for marriage, yea i can tell hes not ready just by talking today. He says he wants to be with his friends and play video games. I feel like thats little boy stuff. Maybe im brainwashed by the black queen syndrome but most black people feel like both a man and a woman in a relationship is all you need. Like they need to be everything to you. And everything else is secondary help. Like friends, parents, job, etc. in all things pretty much. But my mom is mexican and she believes that too. Kinda. But he did say i wont have to wait forever. But its still when HE is ready.

Im glad we talked about this.