I dated my ex for around 8 months. We’ve been broken up for a couple years but he still crosses my mind. I do miss him on occasion. But I grew to resent him towards the end.

He got mad at me once in the beginning of our relationship because my roommate had her male friend spend the night at our apartment. He told me he better not be sleeping in my room or else he’d snap his neck. Later on when I confronted him about this, he said he trusts me, he just doesn’t trust other guys because “how could they not fall in love with me?” A few months later, he went to dinner with a girl that stayed in his apartment over a vacation because she had nowhere else to go. Told me I was overreacting to it. That it was just a “thank you” for letting her stay with him.

Before we ever even had sex, (I don’t recall why I was okay with this happening, must’ve been drunk), I got out of the shower and laid on the bed, naked. He then turned on the flashlight on his phone to my genitals and told me (in a joking manner) everything that was “normal” about it and everything that wasn’t.. also told me I should grow my pubic hair out (which I did). He laughed at me once because I had forgotten to shave and had a little bit of hair on my armpits.

I get nervous during sex sometimes and once I had a hard time getting into it and he got so frustrated and upset thinking I wasn’t attracted to him that we actually got in a fight about it when that wasn’t the case at all.

Another time was during the summer, I hadn’t seen him in a couple days and was hanging out with friends I had not seen in months. I invited him to hang out and he called me screaming about how I could’ve come out with him instead of with my friends. The call kept dropping and he just got angrier and angrier until he told me he had punched a hole in the wall and his knuckles were bleeding/phone was broken. He had covered the hole up with a painting the next time I came over. It took him 3 months to finally fill it, but he waited until I was in the room to watch him patch it up,

We ended up breaking up that day, his reasons were he didn’t see us together in 50 years, that I didn’t have a plan for my life and was a little “lost”.
This breakup has affected me deeply. I feel like I can’t love anyone properly because I’m too quiet and don’t open up. It was all so confusing because I loved him. He was handsome and charming and smart, everyone liked him. I’ve spent so long trying to figure it out. I haven’t had a boyfriend since and I’m so lonely. But I also don’t really want one because of how much stress he gave me.