Hello Captaineo. You deserve life and peace and joy. Not feeling that way now does not mean that you won't in the future. All feelings are temporary. Have you sought treatment for your depression? Talked to a therapist? I found it very helpful particularly when I did not have a support network. I know what you mean by the "hole" in your heart. I had that feeling after my divorce. It was a shocking feeling. However, one day after plenty of time and therapy, I noticed that the hole was gone. It has not returned. I wish the same for you