Sarahsweets: How I read it is that these two people have been behaving in a hostile way and threatening to leave each other before the cheating happened... so there is some deeper control/ lack of communication issue going on. Not being committed works both ways, and I know that from painful first hand experience. So this husband is being more generous than I might be prepared to be in the context of the general lack of commitment.

I'm not "on his side" - I just generally believe in valuing any good behaviour in the dire messes that we get ourselves into - on both sides of any conflict. Having grown up with street violence, I've learned that even guilt shows a big measure of human responsibility, and is therefore valuable!

Financial support is still a form of support. Just because our emotions of hurt and anger are running wild, doesn't mean that we should knock someone else's humanity. Financial support is the traditional male role of care. If women want more emotionally, they need to assume their own financial responsibilities. I say "thank you" to people who have helped me out financially, even when we are not emotionally compatible.

Perhaps you know the back story more than I do. Wishing everyone healthy relationships (sigh, especially wishing that to myself) today!!!

With honest respect for your responses generally! Saidso