Of course you deserve to be happy, captaineo! I'm so sorry you're hurting so much. I'm glad you're still conctacting your lawyers to see what you can do. I hope you'll be able to find a solution. Can I ask you if you like Japan overall? Sometimes the place we live in can have a great effect on our mood. Perhaps you should consider that. I'm so sorry, please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon. Going to church seems like a great idea to me, if you want to do it. Keep writing here if it helps. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you