Thanks everyone. I will kind of answer a few things in this post. My T lets me text him working hours (only very serious emergencies outside that). I don't abuse this and rarely text him, usually about practical matters but sometimes more serious matters. He always returns my texts. I know that no actual therapy will take place outside the time I am in his office, but he does often offer suggestions or encouragement via text, and of course makes sure I am safe if there is a concern. This is why it is so odd he hasn't replied to my text that would have at least suggested contact would be a good idea.

A close friend of mine has also been encouraging me not to jump to conclusions but I am finding it difficult. I am raging inside. This has set off so many past hurts. My close friend lives on the other side of Australia so can't visit. She was so concerned she urged me to go to emergency but I refuse. It would be a nightmare. More trauma, and more mistreatment by authority figures who should be helping me.

Thankfully my ex-husband is not working and able to watch me until things settle down (I they do. I am not convinced I will ever escape this time). So, my friend and parents are comfortable not forcing me into hospital. I am thankful my ex is caring, and that we are very close friends now. Still, I hate the idea of needing to be 'baby-sat'.

In under three days I should be in contact with Y, should he choose to grace me with a call or text. I want to walk away from all 'treatment' that I have had and am having. It is clearly not working anyway. I will heal myself.