Quote:
Originally Posted by marvelousness
This shed a lot of light on it. I have spent so long confused. At the beginning I was absolutely convinced the whole breakup was my fault. That if I only opened up when he told me too, If I only trusted him enough to be emotionally vulnerable that things would be different. I beat myself up for long over it. But I knew there must have been a reason I felt so much resentment. He told me he didn’t want to marry the first woman he fell for, like his father did, and have it not work out. I tried to give him reasonable ultimatums and try to make the relationship work but he just kept coming to up with more excuses to why were weren’t right for each other, most of them being I didn’t do this or that. He wanted me to send him a nude because we had not seen each other in a couple months and I told him I wasn’t quite comfortable doing that. His exact words were “other guys girlfriends send them nudes. I’d think we’d be far enough in our relationship for that to be acceptable”. Not when it’s something I’m uncomfortable with? yeah. But somehow I loved him so much that it still affects me and I’m still trying to move on from it. He’s had 2 girlfriends since and I haven’t had anyone. I know I need to just get myself out there and let it go. I’ll try my best to.
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So sorry Mavelousness.
The love you felt for him was real of course. You are going through grief now over the loss...as well as recovering from abuse. That's painful and difficult and still can be done. By making you feel everything was your fault...he was '
gaslighting' you. You can read about that online.
You mentioned that he has since had 2 gfs and you haven't met anyone else. Abusers often have difficulty with secure and lasting relationships therefore it's actually not a good sign that he keeps having new relationships. A man like him will not treat any woman well without ownership of his actions and professional intervention.
I think it's a good thing that you are taking time for yourself though I understand your loneliness. Any close friends or kind family members in your life? Honestly, and I say this with care and kindness, I don't think you're in a good place right now to be starting a relationship with a new intimate partner. Not to say you won't be in the future
but right now I think you need to focus on self-love. How's you inner self-talk? Are you open to talking with a psychologist?
These are not minor issues that you're working through. Experiencing and recovering from abuse is trauma. I know because I've lived through it myself. Time and professional support can be really valuable. I didn't understand half of what my ex did or why until I had therapy.
Always remember that you deserve peace, unconditional love, and respect both from yourself and others
