So he's a psychiatrist...the guy you see? Not a psychologist? Do I have that right? Psychiatrists have medical degrees and tend to focus on medication. Psychologists have PhDs or PsyDs in psychology, they cannot prescribe medication, and tend to provide psychotherapy...talk therapy. I think you'd really benefit from talk therapy. You are self-aware and intelligent...that's a great foundation for progress! There are also some wonderful therapists with master's degrees in counseling in some countries. Though I've no idea about the mental health system in Japan.

You made a comment about possibly needing to "just man up." Please remember that struggling emotionally is unrelated to your masculinity. A lot of men don't openly discuss their emotional concerns for fear of being judged but trust me, many men are living with emotional struggles. I work in healthcare and I've sat with plenty of male patients (men anywhere from age 30s to 90s) who cried in my office because they were so overwhelmed. I didn't think any less of them...for me it's no different than when a female patient cries. I believe that tears are the body's release for emotional pain. Crying can be cathartic. Have you had a good cry recently?

I also don't perceive you as "dramatic" as you suggested. I was going to say that you write and think like a poet! I think that's beautiful. When you described going to the vending machine for a Clarity drink I thought WOW! I also need some Clarity...not only is it delicious but also stimulating and enlightening!!!

If you can't get access to a psychologist (no pills doctor) then exploring church counseling or a support group sound like great ideas! See, you're already taking charge. Keep pointing out your strengths...sounds like you have many.

Peace and hope to you