The thing is, I think you can see it - your posts now and in the past indicate your awareness. And many people in abusive relationships see it, too. That doesn't always make it any easier to disentangle oneself because, as you said, strong feelings are involved. There can also be other dynamics, such as learned helplessness, dependency (emotional, financial), etc. I don't know if any of those fit your situation, just saying. I am not judging you regardless of what you choose to do. And whatever the outcome of your decision, my goal will be to provide support, not to cast unnecessary and unhelpful judgements. This is a support forum, and I have found most people here do want to honor the spirit of that. Sometimes things do go off track, but many times what someone interprets as criticism isn't meant to be.