I know where your coming from. I see it as control through guilt and shame which are tyrannical tactics. For some, I'm sure further tactics of threats and physical abuse are used. For what it's worth, this is what I did...I would attend enough family things to keep the peace but opened up a path for myself using a psychologist so I could begin creating a safe space for myself to begin forging the life I wanted. I would at times say things like 'why should I have to do all this extra work and spend this money to lead a more self respecting life free of manipulation?'. But, then I realised bad luck is simply bad luck, nothing is going to get me out of this unless I develop the kind of life I want. If I go to war with them, I only play into the tyranny. Over time, I felt I got more freedom using outside help and families age, they do naturally lose control. Moving away may also be important to create distance.