I wish I had some useful suggestions for you. I'm kind-of in a similar boat. I suppose I do have options... if I wanted to drop the atomic bomb of solutions. I don't. I'm not sure it would even end up solving anything really. There's probably no way to know for sure without doing it. And I'm not going to. I recall telling a therapist I once talked to that I knew what my options were. I just didn't like any of them.

I'm 70 years old now. It's way-y-y too late to be trying to rescue myself. So I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, as the saying goes, day-in & day-out. The good thing is that, because I'm as old as I am now, I don't have to "perform" anymore... hold down a job, have a social life, etc. As long as I haul myself out of bed each morning, take my shower, & do the few household chores that need to be done, that's about all that's necessary. It's also about all I'm up to. Sometimes I think the best one can perhaps do is to strive to accept things just the way they are. At least that's where I'm at...